“Carry In” Annie's Song

In opening this service today I should begin by mentioning Helen's love of butterflies. “Flutterbets” as she called them. This verse is special tribute to Helen
A butterfly lights beside us like a sunbeam.
And for a brief moment,
its glory and beauty belong to our world.
But then it flies on again,
and although we wish it could have stayed,
we feel so lucky to have seen it.

As we gather here today as a community of family and friends, we do so for one purpose, that is to say a meaningful and loving goodbye to a lovely, gracious lady who has been lost to us.
Be at peace with your sorrow, your sadness and memories and be glad for the happiness, the purpose and the serenity of a life so well lived. The life of Helen Therese Evans. In saying goodbye to Helen we are also mourning her loss, commemorating her life and paying tribute to her roles as a daughter, sister, wife, Mother, Grandmother and friend.
Helen has touched many people in the course of her lifetime and she will be remembered for her individual character, her gentleness and fun loving nature. I am sure you will all have your own special memories of Helen, but the memory of her Strength and determination will be what stands out.

My name is Frances Kneil - On behalf of the family I would like to thank you all for coming to this service today. At the conclusion of the service you are invited to join the family for refreshments, at the Forget Me Not Cottage here on the grounds near the front gate. This will give you the chance to reminisce and recollect those special times you spent with Helen.

Today Helen is surrounded by the people she so loved spending time with, she has played a different and special role to many of you here today. She leaves behind a loving family in her daughters Michelle and Renee and their father Noel, her brother John, her sister Maggie and partner Kerry and grandchildren Charlotte, Oska and Jed.
To those of you who loved Helen, we cannot pretend to make amends for your loss. But we can walk quietly beside you - hearing your words, seeking to understand the depth of your loss and the pain of your grief. We hope that you receive the healing gifts of courage, to accept the reality of Helen's passing and the wisdom to know that life and death, joy and sorrow are joined.

The time that we spend together today gives us a chance to remember Helen and to allow our sorrow and sadness to come to the surface and be expressed in words, tears or reflections, or in any way that is meaningful to each of us. It is good that we have come together today, more than anything else we need one another right now. The memory of the friends who have come here today to add their support will be a consolation to the family later during those inevitable moments of grief and emptiness.

Each of us grieves. And when we grieve together, the healing begins. Just by being here each of us gives comfort to everyone else. If only for this short time - that we are joined as a compassionate family.

While we mourn the fact that we are parting with someone we have known and loved, we can be grateful that Helen had lived her life surrounded by people who loved her. However, lives that have been so intimately intertwined cannot be separated without pain and so we do recognise that times like these bring sorrow and a feeling of the deepest grief, but this is because of the relationship between grief and love. The tears in your hearts and in your eyes are tears of love. This relationship between love and grief is very important; they are like two sides of a coin - inseparable.

Our thoughts of Helen are foremost in our minds because her passing has brought sorrow to her family and friends, particularly as the ties of love and friendship were strong. But as we think of Helen with sadness and regret, we should recall her life with respect and happiness. Nothing can detract from the happiness and closeness you shared with Helen
Nothing can affect the happiness and the joy of life that Helen knew.
Nothing can change your love for her and her love for you. It can never be altered by time, circumstance or even by death. What has been - the past with all its meaning is sacred and secure.

We will now take a moment for prayer after which I will invite Helen's sister Maggie and her daughter Michelle to share their fondest memories with you.

“23rd Psalm” Modern Version
The lord is my shepherd; I have everything I need.
He lets me rest in fields of green grass
and leads me to quiet pools of fresh water.
He gives me new strength; He guides me in the right paths, as he promised
Even if I go through the deepest darkness, I will not be afraid, Lord, for you are with me.
Your shepherds rod and staff protect me.
You prepare a banquet for me, where all my enemies can see me;
You welcome me as an honoured guest and fill my cup to the brim.
I know that your goodness and love will be with me all my life;
And your house will be my home as long as I live

• Eulogy - Maggie
A REMEMBRANCE OF HELEN'S LIFE

I think everyone will agree with me when I say that life is sometimes very difficult to understand, especially when we all have to gather here to say goodbye to someone who was so young, vibrant, vivacious, fun-loving, hard working, kind, lovable, and yes rebellious and non conforming. Helen, fondly known as Blue, Lellie, Leggs, Hells, Horner, Mum, Aunty Lellie, Bernie and Nanna Blue, was just such a person, and I don't understand why we are gathered here to say goodbye to her but that seems to be God's will and maybe one day I will understand.

Helen was born in Sydney in 1954, but grew up in Lithgow where she attended St Patrick's Primary school. During her early childhood our brother John and I always thought that she was always the favourite, because she would get away with a lot. But this wasn't just our observation, wherever she went she was “the favourite” because she had a very special charisma. I remember seeing my aunty off on an overseas trip when I was about 5, and after disembarking from a tour of the ship we were all waiving the passengers goodbye when a waiter raced to the side of the ship and threw a bunch of roses to Helen aged 18 months, who was being held by Mum. He had seen her on the ship and couldn't get over how beautiful she was. We all had a very happy childhood growing up together.

Lellie as I always called her, was always into any bit of fun that was going on at the time, regardless of the consequences…Dad used to call her rebellious. Lellie used to say “I'm just having fun”. Her first day at school, exhibited this trait….she didn't want to be there, so she promptly walked out of the class room down to my classroom and said ”I don't like these nuns”, I want to stay here with you. On returning her to her kindergarten classroom on the end of my hand, trying to explain to her that she couldn't stay with me, she was most upset, swore at poor Sister Philomena, threw a punch at her, sat down and pouted for the rest of the day. This went on for a week, after which time she thought she'd go along with all this school thing because she wasn't getting anywhere with her antics, but vowed she'd get her own back one day, but in the meantime she'd give them a hard time…which she did.

Helen somehow made it through primary school and still managed to be a favourite of everyone. However on entering high school at Mount St Mary's at Katoomba, as a weekly border, she once again proved to be non-conforming, but lovable. Here she met a different type of nun, but to her they were all the same and she was out to get them. She misbehaved in class and quite often you would walk down a corridor, to find Lellie sitting outside the classroom in the corridor, desk and all…in fact she spent most of her time out in the corridor but this was to her liking!

There was another time at Mount St Mary's when Helen found a horse that had wandered into a paddock next to the school oval. Being a horse lover, and not thinking whether she should or shouldn't, she caught the horse and decided to ride it around the oval, no bridle, no saddle, just bare back. This didn't go down too well with the nuns, and once again Lellie was in trouble. Finally she decided she'd had enough of these nuns who had cramped her style for years, and she decided she would run away from boarding school, so she hopped on the train to Lithgow and went home….once again to Mum & Dad she was rebellious, but to Lellie she was doing what she wanted. Helen again got her own way and consequently finished her high school years in Lithgow. She left school at the end of year 4 which is the equivalent of year 10, and much to Dad's frustration, went to work in The Dolly Shop, a very trendy dress shop in Lithgow. Here she could have all the latest fashion at a discount price. Once she got that out of her system Helen went to work in the ANZ bank in Lithgow.

One of Lellie's most beloved belongings through her childhood, was her horse Flika which she finally acquired after nagging Dad till he gave in. She loved riding Flika, but then sometimes riding Flika gave way to riding on the back of a friend's motor bike. This then led to her getting her motor bike licence (and I still don't know if Mum & Dad knew that or not) and of course she got her car licence as soon as she could. Lellie was on the move.

Helen married Noel Evans at the age of 20, and they bought land at Sodwalls where with the help of Dad, they built a house themselves after work and on weekends. Not long after she and Noel married, she fell pregnant (at the same time that her horse Flika was pregnant I might add). I remember her sitting on Mum's bed one day, looking very pregnant saying, “I don't know how I ended up being pregnant, I never thought about being a mum”. Mum and I just looked at each other and said “it's a bit late now”. But a mum she became when she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl Michelle.
I still don't think she'd worked it out because not long after Michelle was born, she announced she was expecting another baby, and she had a second beautiful baby girl, Renee. These two girls became the centre of her life and I think Michelle and Renee would agree with me when I say that she was the best mother.

Helen Michelle & Renee moved to Sydney where she worked constantly to provide for them. She put them through the catholic school system and later put Michelle through TAFE and Renee through uni. Being an animal lover she went to work as a veterinary nurse at Bexley Vet Hospital. Following this, once again she worked in the ANZ bank where she made a close circle of friends and I know she shared a lot of good times and lots of laughter with them. She later left the ANZ and worked at The St George bank at Hurstville and it was here that she experienced a great deal of stress when the branch in which she was working was held up. It was after this experience that Helen decided that she'd had enough of the bank, and went to work as a Medical receptionist at an X-Ray practice, the Sydney Imaging Group, and later for a short time with Dr Glenn & Partners. It was at this time that Helen started not remembering things and would quite often lose the petty cash tin or a pile of reports. But she didn't give up working altogether. She became a carer / companion for people who were housebound. She also did some cleaning, as well as waitressing in a coffee shop.

Lellie became a grandmother 6 years ago and now has 3 beautiful grandchildren, Charlotte, Oska and Jed. It was very sad to see her deteriorate to the point where she could no longer interact with them, but she loved them dearly.

It's about 9 years ago now since Lellie first started to lose her memory which happens to us all but little did we know that in her case it was serious. Early alzhiemers was diagnosed which caused her much grief and frustration not to mention frustration for us trying to get ideas across to her. It was at this time that our daily phone conversations ended in a way because she couldn't hold a conversation and used to get so frustrated and confused. Eventually about three years ago, it broke our hearts to have to put her in care because she was becoming a danger to herself. However, she was happy in her new home at Big Sister at Miranda where she lived in her own little world. Once again as all through her life, she became the favourite and all the staff loved her. Any conversation you had with her on visits was one sided but she knew our faces and her face used to light up when she saw us but all she could say was “beautiful, beautiful”. However the disease intensified and Helen deteriorated dramatically and had to be admitted to hospital about 3 months ago. From here she was admitted to Miranda Aged Care where she stayed for only a very short time before she was re- admitted to Sutherland hospital where she passed away.

Michelle has been an absolute angel and rock to her mum the whole time, putting her own life on hold to attend to her mum's needs, and Helen would have been very proud of her. Renee has had her own problems and three children to attend to and couldn't be with her Mum the whole time but was with her in spirit the whole way through. Lellie was even rebellious to the end and she hung in there long after I asked Father to urgently give her the last rites.
Lellie and I spent a lot of hours together on the phone and off. Our daily phone conversations went on for hours. She was my little sister and my best friend. We went through thick and thin together helping each other out when needed. We argued together as siblings do, we endured being bossed by our big brother John (but we always knew we were right and he was wrong), we laughed together, we cried together, we went through tough times together, we acted the fool together, we went away on sister weekends together, which we called doing a Thelma and Louse weekend (without the fast life), we took our kids on mystery outings on weekends together…life was always such fun with Lellie, who was also a great help to me, both physically and mentally when I was going through difficult times.

Our eldest brother John and Helen were the comedians and artistic members of the family and they also had many happy times together and would egg each other on with witty sayings. John being the conservative sensible one amongst us always worried about Helen in a special way, he loved her dearly and I know he will miss her terribly. My children Amber and Lloyd have grown up with aunty Helen, Michelle and Renee and have shared many happy times with them. Aunty Helen was always very special and they loved her dearly.

But now its time to say goodbye to my free spirited, non-conforming lovable, beautiful little sister. Go now Lellie and be free of that terrible disease. I pray that you find peace and become the free spirit that you always so wanted to be….goodbye little sister…. I love you, we all love you.

• Michelle - A TRIBUTE TO MUM
This was written by my sister Renee, during her high school years, as part of mum's biography titled 'The Wonder Years', and I would like to share this part of it with you today, as a tribute to our mum.

'Although she had many bad patches in life, she has survived and believes that she will still be surviving when she is 110! How can you deny a person with that much will for survival, the survival of life itself? She has a future mapped out for her self which is something that not a lot of people do or can do and I wish her the best of luck!

I would also like to take this opportunity to express my thanks for everything she has ever done for me and for, most of all, being my mum!

It is to her that I know dedicate this poem:

In words I can't repay you
And gifts would bare no price
It's the little things you've done for me
That brighten up my life
It's when you say you love me
And tell me that you care
It's when you offer loving arms
To assure me that you're there
You've guided me
For many years
And taken all the pain
You've answered
All my questions
And tried hard to explain
You came with friendship guaranteed
Not many mothers do
So I'd like to take this chance to say
I'm glad that it was you

(Take my flower over and place with Mum)

Be grateful that Helen was part of your lives and let her influence - her character, her lovely warmth and her deeds - live on.
I would like to ask Helens niece Amber to share the following verse Memories in the heart.
Feel no guilt in laughter, she knows how much you care
Feel no sorrow in a smile that she's not here to share
You cannot grieve forever, she would not want you to
She'd hope that you can carry on, the way you always do
So talk about the good times and the ways you showed you cared
The days you spent together, all the happiness you shared
Let memories surround you.
A word someone may say
Will suddenly recapture a time, an hour, a day
That brings her back as clearly as though she were still here
And fills you with the feelings that she is always near
For if you keep these moments, you will never be apart
And she will live forever locked safe within your heart

Along with our sadness, we must also find things to be glad about: Glad that she is not suffering and that she is at peace. Glad for the joys that she had and for the fullness of her life. Be glad for having known her and for the things she gave and the things she taught. 'Say not in grief 'she is no more' but live in thankfulness that she was'

We will now take this time to listen to some music and watch Helen's life in pictures.

*****This is your song & DVD*****

Some people believe that when a person dies it is the final extinction and that life and consciousness ends the moment the body ceases to function. Death has only meant the release of Helen's body. Her soul is now free to join those she held dear, who have passed before her. But In saying hello to her passed love ones she also says goodbye the loved ones she leaves behind.

The following reading by Henry Van Dyke reflects this thought.
I am standing on the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean
She is an object of beauty and strength
and I stand and watch her until at length
she is a speck of white cloud
just where the sea and sky come
to mingle with each other.
Then someone at my side says,
'There, she's gone!'-
Gone where - I ask?---Gone from my sight, that is all.
She is just as large in mast and hull and spar
as she was when she left my side, and she is just as able to bear her load of living weight to her destined harbour.
Her diminished size is in me, not in her, and just at the moment when someone at my side says, 'There, she's gone! There are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout, 'Here, she comes! - And that is dying.

Remember also that those we love are never truly gone and although you might be grieving the physical loss of Helen, her spirit will remain in your thoughts, character, actions and deeds. Her love, warmth and values were given as a gift to those she loved and cannot be taken away. Each of us gives gifts of our self to those we share life with and though we are gone, these gifts will remain with those to whom we have given them. Helen was certainly no exception. She had her own particular individuality and uniqueness and she has touched many lives, all of whom have been enriched by that experience.

• Floral Tribute and Reflection…….Candle in the wind
I will ask you now to pause so that you can gather your individual feelings and thoughts; remembering the woman that Helen was; to meditate upon the meaning of this occasion; and to say our private farewell. Those of you who wish to place a flower on the casket may do so after the immediate family. Alternatively, If you would prefer to take a flower home in remembrance of Helen, White Lady's will have some outside the chapel at the end of the service.

Candle Ceremony:
You will notice today, that there is a candle burning. The flame of this candle radiates light and heat - Representing life. The glow and heat, the passion of life, are passed on long after the candle has stoped burning, A human life also continues in the lives it has both engendered and influenced.
If I ask you to stare at the flame, then close your eyes, Your eye will remember the flame, just as your mind remembers the person who has passed on. Though the flame of Helen's life has been extinguished, our memory's eye still sees the person; and our mind remembers the power of her personality - how Helen walked through her time and world; how her life touched us and shaped our lives.

We give thanks for Helen's life and we give thanks for her ways that made this community a better place to live and for her friendship, concern and love that filled our lives.
May we who mourn Helen's death be granted the gifts of under standing and acceptance, and may we truly find our sense of thanksgiving - thanksgiving for a good, virtuous life.

Helen would not want you to burden your hearts with grief but to fill the empty space left by her passing with the presence of unity and love. Do not remember her with sadness, but rather with a smile and a thought for times passed - all the good times that you have shared.
If Helen was able to speak to you she might say.
Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free,
I'm following the path God has laid you see.
I took His hand when I heard Him call;
I turned my back and left it all.
I could not stay another day,
To laugh, to love, to work, to play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way;
I found that peace at the close of day.
If my parting has left a void,
Then fill it with remembered joys
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss,
Oh, yes, these things I too will miss.
Be not burdened with times of sorrow,
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life's been full; I've savoured much,
Good friends, good times, a loved one's touch.
Perhaps my time seemed all too brief;
Don't lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your hearts and peace to thee,
God wanted me now, He set me free.

The Lords Prayer
Our Father who art in heaven
Hallowed be thy name
Thy Kingdom Come
Thy will be done
On earth as it is in heaven
Give us this day
Our daily bread
Forgive us our trespasses
As we forgive those
Who trespass against us
Lead us not into temptation
But deliver us from evil
For thine is the kingdom,
The power and the glory
Now and forever
Amen
Our ceremony for Helen is almost concluded and we now have to say a loving and tender final farewell to her. We are in grief at her death, but in gratitude for her life, we are thankful for the privilege of sharing in it. May we all resolve that while we live we will strive with all our might to make our living of real worth and carry on the work that has been laid down?

Committal
With respect and reverence we return to Mother Nature, Helen's earthly body.
From which all life comes
And to which all life must return.
We are glad that we saw her face
And felt the touch of her hand.
We hold the memory of her words and her deeds.
And may her spirit go on to enrich and beautify yet another place.

God saw you getting tired, to wake you was not to be,
So he put his arms around you and whispered 'Come With Me.'
With tearful eyes we watched you, slowly fade away,
Although we love you dearly, we would not make you stay.
A golden heart stopped beating, hard working hands at rest.
God broke our hearts to prove to us,
He only takes the best.


In the consciousness of work well done and a life well lived, death in the deepest sense can have no sting. Thus thinking of her, let us leave this place in quietness of spirit, conscious of the things that really matter in life, and resolved to live this way toward each other.

Ladies and Gentlemen thank you - that concludes our service today for Helen Therese Evans - we bid her farewell and we leave her in peace.

Recessional Music…..Time to say goodbye.